“You’re Taking Your Child to a Shrink?”

You’ve wondered and waited ~ with your worries and wishes.  You’ve hoped this was “just a phase” in your young child’s life. Time after time, you’ve reassured yourself, “He’ll outgrow this; he’s young” or “she has so much time.”  In talks with your partner, you’ve raised your concerns … and talked yourself out of them as the weeks and months (or years) passed. There have been periods when he blossomed and was doing just fine. Times when those problems seemed far behind her.

Then the difficult days return … An event occurs, a moment arrives when it’s all too clear – you cannot manage this yourself. You are out of ideas. You begin to ask around, look online, make some calls. Make an appointment with dread and hope, shaky nerves and eager heart. Nearly every parent who seeks child treatment describes these phases. Now that you’ve made that call, you wonder what (or whether) to tell family & friends. The reactions of others can be a gnawing concern:

“I’m not even mentioning this to my mother, she’d have a cow.”

“I can just hear my dad now … ‘MY grandson is not crazy!’ ”  

“We’re not telling our friends, they wouldn’t get it – she’s an angel at other people’s houses.”  

You are not alone if this story sounds like yours. In fact, you are entirely typical. You may feel wary of following your plan while anticipating disapproval from others. It is hard to seek outside help. So hard that many families put it off a little longer. A good number of parents arrive moist-eyed and shake my hand confessing, “We should have been here two years ago. We knew things were getting bad, but we just weren’t ready.”  

How do you know when it’s time?  The following benchmarks may tell you: When you have tried countless strategies, but the problem keeps worsening; when you’re starting to worry about the safety of your child and those she plays with;  when the problem is hampering friendships, school, and family life; when your child doesn’t seem to enjoy “being a child;” when there are more “bad” days than good and his or her self-esteem appears to be suffering.

How do you select a child mental health provider? At local community mental health centers, staff assign a therapist to match your needs.  If you select a health insurance provider or elect to private pay, your choice will be more personalized.

• Ask trusted people.  You’d be surprised how many parents have struggled behind the scenes just like you. Many have a favorite provider they count upon.
• Look online.  More and more providers have websites and social media presence.  How do they describe their practices? Check out their Facebook business page posts. What do they Tweet?  How do you like  their material?
• Call for an initial inquiry.  Do you feel comfortable interacting with the office staff?
• Understand medication vs. therapy.  Medication is prescribed by psychiatrists, physicians & nurse practitioners. Therapy is provided by psychologists, counselors, & social workers
• Ask if a parent-only intake is possible.  Not all providers can offer this. However, such an intake allows coverage of sensitive topics you don’t wish to discuss in front of your child.

O.K., so you’ve made an appointment. Or you’ve begun the process and feel ready to tell people.What do you say?  I offer these suggestions:

We’ve found a provider who specializes in young children.

We need “new ideas” to address a big problem that just isn’t going away.  

We want to help our child now before the problem grows so we can have “better days” together. 

After meeting your therapist, assess how you feel. Provider-family “fit” is very important! But a degree of unease is natural until you all settle in. Be open to sharing information. Providers cannot truly help your child or family without the “full picture.” Know that any personal information you share is entirely in service of your child. Also, be ready to change yourself! Providers help young children by giving their grown-ups “new ideas.”

Seeking help for your young child is a step of courage.  And it can make a world of difference! Intervention with young children sweeps stones off the path of development before they become boulders. Begin early so the only thing weighing upon his young shoulders is sunshine.